Yesterday Diego asked me if I was happy in Venezuela. It got me thinking of the things I am thankful for. The answer to his question was yes I am happy in Venezuela. I know it is where God has called me so I choose to be happy. Sure there are days I get frustrated with the traffic and how long it takes to get "simple" things done like depositing a check at the bank. Sure my life would be really different if I were to live somewhere else. I might have more freedom and more earthly possessions and a better paying job but when I think about what Gods purpose for me in life is those things don't matter.
I am happy because I know God is really changing me and growing me in different ways. He is revealing a lot areas that I have believed lies about Him, like the idea that I need to earn His love. I do things out of obligation and not love, and then I grow distant at times because I am afraid He does not love me because I am not doing enough. The thing He is reteaching me is you can not earn His love, its free there is nothing you can do to make him love you more or less for that matter. Easy to say but sometimes hard to get that from my head to my heart.
He also taught me to be ok with the church I was going to say love, but I have to be honest if I really really loved the church the way God does then I think my actions would be different. Sure I am part of two ministries and I go to a Bible study and the woman's meetings and the nights of prayer(sometimes). But do I call people up during the week to ask how they are doing? Do I pray for the members of the church, or even ask them what there prayer requests are? Do I worry about them and think about them often. Not really. Sure I have a few close friends that I call and talk to and pray for. But there is still something missing. I don't miss my body parts, we are body I should feel way out of touch and out of place not being more connected but I don't. During the week I am worried about work, my kids, my coworkers, (who also part of God's body) but I am not investing much time in them either. I want to be totally independent and not need anyone but that is not God's plan for us. He made us to need one another. So maybe lack of growth in some areas is because of lack on connection with the body of Christ.
All this to say I am so thankful for the global church and I am still learning to love the local church. But I am grateful for lessons being learned. And I am happy.
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